I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
