It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Randomize
