i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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