Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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