I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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