Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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