He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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