My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I just sharted jello shots
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