yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
