I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
