I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bet he comes in French.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
