think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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