Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
