Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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