i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
