He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
