i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
