I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
