A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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