I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
