I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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