party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
is that a dick in a sweater?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
