He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
