hell yes lets make some ravioli
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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