Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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