fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
