you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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