I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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