I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
