I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
