I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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