yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
