I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
