Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
