Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
