we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
