ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
