Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
only if we run a train.
done.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
