Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
