he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
