i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
