Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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