I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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