like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
