okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
