you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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