Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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