New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
home. puking in laundry basket.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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