I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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