yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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