Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
