Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
a search helicopter?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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