dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
