Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
