it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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